Cw is off at LDAC, a training program and won't come back for a while.. He's been gone almost 2 weeks now.. It's kinda boring. I spent every day with him living with him, he is my best friend, my comrade, my battle buddy, and the love of my life. It's strange having the house all to myself. Even our lab, Dimic is sad. All he does now is sleep mostly. I have to practically drag him on our usual run in the mornings because of it. Ugh, I'm so bored.. nothing to do really. Nothing holds my attention for more than an hour and a half. I want him home.

You know, all these kids now days always screamin about how they wanna be alone. But really do they honestly know what being alone means? It's probably the most horrible feeling next to feeling forgotten, which I consider alone = forgotten in a way. To be forgotten is worse than death. I hate being alone. It's so volnerable, cold, boring, restless. No one should feel this way...

And yet I feel almost completely alone in this world. Only one seems to have time for me any more and it's the gracious Lord, but even he has many people to deal with. Am I wrong to want human companionship? To feel alone even when my spiritual father is beside me always? No one human wants anything to do with me anymore. My sister's off and married.. has her own problems. My mom doesn't stay on the phone with me longer than 5 minutes. My girl best friends don't call [not that they ever did] or reply to my mail anymore. My guy best friends are as anti-social as ever. I have no friends up here, and nothing to come home to except Cw's dog Dimic. I've been extended an offer to stay at the in-laws but it's just not the same.. I feel out of place even when I go over there. No one cares anymore. I wonder if somethings wrong with me?

-Kris